Seattle Zephyrs Recaps: Week 4, 6-7 Loss

Well, it's late as fuck, the country is celebrating and the past forty-hours have been an insane blur for me. I've written one of my last college papers; another two await me in the morning. Meanwhile, the man most vilified by the American people in recent memory has been killed today. How am I choosing to respond to all this? By writing about my fantasy baseball team. Because numbers are simple. Numbers are objective. Numbers either are or they aren't. They are they only things I trust myself to think about right now.

Offense
-Runs: Grady Sizemore, 7
-Hits: Adrian Gonzalez, 10
-Home Runs: Sizemore, 2
-Runs Batted In: Sizemore, 4
-Stolen Bases: Jose Reyes, 2
-Walks: Colby Rasmus, 5
-Batting Average*: Gonzalez, .417
-On-base Percentage plus Slugging*: Sizemore, 1.148

*minimum 15 at-bats

...and the Week 4 Offensive MVP Award goes to:


GRADY SIZEMORE! He hit things. A few of those things went over some fences. He also scored some runs, often by hitting things over fences. The other players on the team did not. Therefore, Grady is better than the rest of them. Sometimes, I honestly think this is the best way to write about baseball.

Pitching
-Wins: Daniel Hudson, 2
-Losses: tie - John Danks, Matt Garza, Joel Hanrahan, J.J. Putz, 1
-Saves: Hanrahan, 3
-Strikeouts: James Shields, 12
-Holds: none recorded
-Earned Run Average*: tie - Dan Haren, Jered Weaver, 0.00
-Walks plus Hits Per Inning Pitched*: Haren, 0.71
-Strikeout-to-Walk Ratio*: Shields, 12.00

*minimum 5.0 innings pitched

...and the Week 4 Cy Young Award goes to:


JERED WEAVER! My new favorite human being continued to be the single best player in the game so far this season. Although you can see that he didn't lead any of the non-ERA catagories above, his complete game, ten-strikeout shutout certainly made the point. The Zephyrs currently have many problems. Pitching is not one of them and Jered continues to be the pride and joy of this (fake) baseball team.