Monday, June 8, 2009

A Grey, Lumpy Slab Of Nothingness

Artist: Kasabian
Album: West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum
Year: 2009
Grade: 1.5 pretzels

There was a time when I sort of liked Kasabian. Way back in 2005, their first single, “Club Foot”, was played a lot on my local alternative rock radio station (this is back when I listened to the radio, see) and I never went out of my way to switch stations when it came on. I was an aspiring bass player and the song has a bass solo. Enough said. I even saw them live at a festival that summer, while waiting for other bands to take the stage. However, in the years that have passed since then, Kasabian have become one of the most vocal and irritating flagbearers of the Brindie rock movement (if I keep using this term, I swear it will catch on!). They dig themselves deeper into that hole with their new album, the ridiculously titled West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum.

Kasabian have been remarkably consistent when it comes to the blandness of their music. Most bands that have followed similar career paths have had at least one high-point to counterbalance their wide range of lows, but Kasabian have always been strictly mediocre. Much of this stems from their determined need to rip off the sound of Primal Scream, a band who are considered pioneers for blending British rock and electronica/dance music back in the early 90s. Primal Scream’s lazy, hazy vibe shouldn’t work, but the band have managed to create some impressive music by sticking to their guns in that regard. However, lightning does not strike twice and Kasabian aren’t graced with the good fortune that Primal Scream have enjoyed. Kasabian named their band after Charles Manson’s getaway driver, but that’s the most thrilling thing about their music.

West Ryder, just like Kasabian’s other two albums, sounds remarkably drab. Dull, plonking basslines support dull, limp string arrangements. The drums march along without any real purpose. Occasionally, a big wash of keyboards will bubble up before gently ebbing away. It’s just really boring music. There’s no excitement, danger, dynamics…nothing. It also doesn’t help that singer Tom Meighan is possibly the least charismatic singer on the face of the earth. His contrived British rock & roll sneer has been done so many times before, almost always with more personality and spark. The fact that he’s a loudmouthed idiot in the press doesn’t help matters much either.

The problem with West Ryder, like so many other Brindie rock albums, is that it isn’t an obviously “bad” album. It doesn’t have moments that are physically unlistenable. It’s just mind-numbingly boring. When songs like “Vlad The Impaler” and “Fire” are chosen as the lead singles, it doesn’t say much for the rest of the album. West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum is an album that Kasabian wants to appeal to both rock and dance fans, but I’m not sure how they expect this to happen when it’s a grey, lumpy slab of nothingness. The songs all blend together and they never know when to end. There’s no excuse for a song like “Where Did All The Love Go?” (and what a cliché title that is) to be more than four minutes long, especially after Meighan drops lyrics like “take another sip from this hobo’s wine.” Just what the hell is that supposed to mean, buddy? Guitarist (and lead songwriter) Sergio Pizzorno once said he wanted to make a living playing soccer. I strongly urge him to bail from this sinking ship of a band and find a new career. Kasabian can’t stay afloat much longer.

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